IMPEDE THE CHURCH. SPURN THE HYPOCRITE. REPULSE THE LIAR.
SPIT ON THE CROSS!!!

Churchdissolving saliva despicably dribbles down, inch after insulting inch, into the gaping mouths of the foolish.

SPIT THE CROSS!!
We swear our hate-festering fluids in obscene splashes of ruthless repayment. Splashing wildly across every cross in every church… in every home… around every neck!!!

Fucking christians:
Our phlegm is your failure!!
AND IT'S GOING TO BE WET!!!
So just die already!!

---- HERE'S A FUCKING INTERVIEW FROM A METAL MAG ----

Reporter: No way this is anyone’s first band, but it bursts with that kind of youthful first-band energy. What inspired Crossspitter’s creation?

Norman: OUR EXTREME DISGUST FOR THE MORONIC AND PERPETUAL CHRISTIAN AGITATION OF HUMANITY! THESE WASTED BAGS OF GAS ARE POINTLESS AND UGLY PARASITES. THEY WISH TO CONVERT AND CONTROL, WE LIVE TO OPPOSE AND OVERTHROW!!!

Donna Violence: Do you sense the building hate? Hate that has been twisting you from the inside? With no hope for satisfaction, no hope for peace? Darling, it’s time to unleash spit and violence towards the colonizer church until you are nothing but an empty shrivelled husk.

Ricky Spitter: One reason: to show off who is fucking boss regarding antichristian godhating death metal.



Reporter: And what made you want to play blasphemous death metal?

Norman: WE HAD NO CHOICE. CROSSSPITTER’S FORMATION WAS MANDATED FROM WITHIN OURSELVES. WE ARE DRAWN TO EACH OTHER AND WE ARE REPULSED BY THE CROSS!!!

Donna Violence: Doth not the wolf drool upon the church gates with her ravenous pack abound?

Ricky Spitter: We tried to be this hateful before but it didn’t work.


Reporter: Also where is Crossspitter from? Couldn’t seem to find a location anywhere in your bio.

Norman: YOU WERE LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACE ALL ALONG. CROSSSPITTER IS FROM INSIDE YOU. CROSSSPITTER IS EVERY NASTY JAB AND ALL THE RIDICULE THAT MAY COME TO MIND WHENEVER YOU ARE FORCED TO ENDURE ANY OF CHRISTIANITY’S FOOLISHNESS.

Donna Violence: Worry not; we will surely be in your backyard performing unspeakable acts. We will be in your very home spitting upon every cross … and you are free to join us

Ricky Spitter: Yea, we’re from the US. You don’t wanna fuck with us!!


Reporter: So what do you yourselves call your brand of heavy-hitting, deep-roaring death metal?

Ricky Spitter: I don’t know but I hope it makes you comfortable being a really disgusting person.

Donna Violence: Truly it is just noise and clamour. Effortless. Performed for personal amusement, regardless of the meaningless cacophony it creates.

Norman: WE OFFER INSULTORY METAL FROM THE HUMILIATING REALITY OF EARTH!!! SO DON’T TRY AND STOP US!! YOU CAN’T!!


Reporter: What about this obsession with bodily fluids? How does the name Crossspitter capture your sound?

Donna Violence: Would you have preferred we called this CROSSSPISSER? Yes, I reckon a depraved pervert like you would. This filth is for your ilk.

Norman: OUR LIPS SHRIVEL BY THE AMOUNT OF SPITTING WE RAIN UPON THEIR PITIFUL ICONOGRAPHY ANNUALLY!! BODILY FLUIDS ARE THE ONLY REAL SUBSTANCE THE CHRISTIANS PRODUCE—JUST PISS AND SHIT FROM THESE DICKHEADS AND ASSHOLES!!

Ricky Spitter: You’re gonna need a big fuckin towel to mop this shit up, freaks. Yeah, go get the towel!!!


Reporter: Short, brutal and utterly sadistic, but there’s no denying this demo sounds fantastic. What can you tell me about the recording process for this demo? Where, when and with whom?

Norman: WE ORDERED WHOLESALE BULK MEDICAL AMPHETAMINE SALTS FROM ABROAD, AND UTILIZED THEM TO WITHSTAND AND SCRUTINIZE 6000+ HOURS OF EVANGELICAL CHURCH TELEVISION, 10000+ PAGES OF VATICAN RECORDS ON CRUSADES AND SEX ABUSE COVER-UPS, AND LISTENED TO 3500+ HOURS OF ALTERNATIVE CHRISTIAN RADIO. AFTER THE MONTH OF VOMITING WHICH THAT INDUCED, WE SENT OUR COLLECTIVE PUKE OFF TO GET MASTERED.

Ricky Spitter: Everything was out of tune and the guitar was all hollowed out too. The drums were all fucked up and some of them were haunted. NO producers, NO studios, just the fuckin basement!!!!

Donna Violence: It’s 2020. We still somehow have remaining Christians past due for extermination. They are growing bold in the face of their final end. Who in their right mind is actually worried about where some shit demo was recorded? Just make sure you’ve stockpiled enough ammo, love.


Reporter: What can you tell us about your pseudonyms?

Ricky Spitter: It’s actually Dick Spitter, but I got tired of putting smart asses in their place.

Norman: I AM NORMAN. I AM THE NORMAL MAN. I AM. IT’S NOT NORMAL TO KNEEL BEFORE THE IDOL EACH SUNDAY MORNING ONLY TO LEAVE AND BREAK THE SELF IMPOSED RULES YOU’VE PLACED ON YOURSELF WHILE CONSTANTLY ATTEMPTING TO SHACKLE EVERYONE AROUND WITH YOUR SHORT-SIGHTED HYPOCRISIES!!! FOAD!!!

Donna Violence: Donna Violence has a motto: “Life is meaningless, do whatever you want, stay slutty, keep it ugly.”


Reporter: What has Crossspitter been up to since finishing the demo? What’s next for the band?

Donna Violence: We have full albums that creeps, cons and priests have all attempted to take away from us. They will have to pry them from our cold, wet mouths!!! We will thicken each song’s hate like the phlegm that drips from your rosary. We are unexpected, inevitable and fully deserved.

Norman: THERE ARE SO MANY MORE CHRISTIAN IDIOTS TO PUT DOWN AND WE HAVE SO MANY MORE HURTFUL TAUNTS FOR THEM ALREADY PREPARED!!!!! THIS DEMO ALONE HAS PLACED US ON SEVERAL WATCH LISTS SO WE MUST RELEASE EACH INCIVILITY IN SHORT PANDEMONIUMIACAL BURSTS UTILIZING THE ELEMENT OF CROSSSLAUGHTERING SURPRISE!! YOU MAY WANT TO COVER YOUR EARS FOR OUR NEXT AFFRONT—IT WILL BE MAXIMALLY OFFENSIVE, LEWDLY WET, AND CERTAINLY AT THE EXPENSE OF THE CHRISTIAN GOONS!!!

Ricky Spitter: UGH! I just hate the fucking church SO MUCH!!!!! That’s enough! This interview is OVER!!!


--- originally published 10.23.20 by decibel (dutch pearce) ---